we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
