Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
