so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
