some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
