I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
