I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
