I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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