I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
