I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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