If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
