I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
