I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
FUCK WHALES
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
