well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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