i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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