Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
