With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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