the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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