I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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