i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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