My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
