Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
