So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
