I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
