I look better un-naked...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
