i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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