all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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