okay pat passed out under dana's car
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
