i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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