what day is it and did you see me today?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
