if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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