Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's shark week go big or go home
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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