a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
