the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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