absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
