I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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