Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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