I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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