I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
