for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
