Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
