I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
