The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
