He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
