idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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