I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
