You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
