im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize