Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
