im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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