Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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