Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
