Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
