Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
