We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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