That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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