i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
ttyl tear gas
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize