walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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