I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
