Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
