My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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