I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think your dad took our porno
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
