Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
